


EXEC_HAIBANATION/.

by natanije



Series: ec tisia [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Androids, Angst, Implied Past Character Death, M/M, Melancholy, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sad Park Jimin (BTS), Self-Discovery, Unreliable Narrator, Yoongi is one of the technicians working at CyberLife, jimin is an android
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 00:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20282734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natanije/pseuds/natanije
Summary: he's an android made by yoongi. for yoongi. to serve yoongi.yoongi never looks at him.





	EXEC_HAIBANATION/.

"...sir. sir. yoongi, sir."

gaze snapping back into focus, finding a blond android crouched near him.

blink. blink, blink.

"....jiminie?" a soft whisper, almost inaudible. a name muttered with reverence from someone who is afraid of losing yet again what's his.

"PJM, sir," the android replies, its silicone eyes staring levelly at its creator.

yoongi's eyebrows furrow, anguish palpable in his eyes as he shrinks away from it, only managing to nod, no matter how shallow.

its master is silent, gaze having gone unfocused again.

"...yes?" yoongi asks, his voice low. "what is it?"

"you have been quiet for approximately 11 minutes 17 seconds," the android says. "may i inquire as to what is it that has caught your interest? as far as i see, there is nothing but an ordinary white wall."

yoongi blinks.

once, twice, thrice.

"i was reminiscing," it is his answer later on, his gaze having found the far-away look for a few more seconds before he smiles, slow and small, just like every other smile its master has graced upon it since its activation.

"i was thinking... about someone important."

PJM's brain whirls at that, its eyes blinking more for show than actual need of it.

"rather than thinking about them, wouldn't it be more productive to meet them?" he says.

there is something unrecognizable in its master gaze, and it files the look away for further inspection.

"...it's not exactly possible," its master says, his tone low.

defeated.

it wonders why.

its master levels a smile at him as he rises to his feet. and PJM merely stares as he speaks.

"you can't meet the dead when you are living. you can only think about them."

.

.

.

.

.

"sir. sir. master. yoongi."

his master turns his head around, blinking at the sudden appearance of his android.

"what is it, ji-- um. PJM?"

it steadily ignores the slight mistake of its name. humans are susceptible to errors, after all.

"my research concludes that what you are feeling the other day is categorized as sadness, which resides in the negative emotions spectrum." it ignores the raise of yoongi's eyebrows, continuing on with its words. "that is why, i advise you to cease reminiscing from now on."

yoongi's eyebrows have truly reached to the point they're hidden by his bangs.

PJM files away that new expression for later inspection. "to dwell in negative emotions is unhealthy," it adds. "sir."

"jimin."

"PJM, sir."

"....PJM."

"yes, sir?"

"are you taking care of me?"

"that is what i am programmed to do, sir," it answers swiftly.

somehow, its master's expression crumples at that. an expression that it has grown to recognize.

"i am inclined to believe you are feeling sad right now, sir."

"and what are you going to do about it, JM?"

it ignores the missing letter of its name. for now.

"i advise you to stop, sir. partaking in fun activities may help in increasing your mood to that of a healthy level."

"...."

after a few seconds, its master speaks again.

"say, what do you think of sadness?"

"a negative emotion. it is unhealthy for a human being to be sad all the time. and i have concluded that sir has been sad for approximately 5 months and 27 days."

"...how old are you, PJM?"

"5 months and 27 days, sir."

yoongi looks tired.

"what do you think of sadness?" he asks, yet again.

it answers dutifully. "unhealthy, sir."

"it's normal to be sad, JM."

"the shows i've seen on tv would say otherwise, sir."

"those are comedy shows. they're meant to be not sad."

"it is bad for your health, sir."

"it's human, you know," yoongi whispers, his voice brittle. PJM's brain whirls.

"being sad... it's human," yoongi is gazing at it. his eyes are sad. he's always sad when he looks at it.

"but i guess, you wouldn't know anything about being human, huh?"

.

.

.

.

.

"did i make a mistake, hyung?" he asks, gaze on his drink, steadily ignoring the blond android busying itself with house chores mere meters from him.

his hyung doesn't have the same problem, for he stares at PJM steadily. something unreadable in his eyes.

he hums. "i don't know, yoongi-chi. do you think you did something wrong?"

yoongi sends a withering look at him, chugging his drink once again in lieu of answering.

seokjin sighs.

"it's not wrong to miss him."

yoongi's answer is brittle. "i feel like i'm trying to replace him."

"are you?" seokjin challenges, his gaze steady.

it takes yoongi a few seconds to answer. "no."

"then you're not replacing him, yoongi-chi."

"it's not that simple."

"it is. you're just complicated."

his gaze is withering. seokjin doesn't seem to be affected.

"it's not wrong to miss him," seokjin says again.

"it's not wrong to create something inspired from him. it's human, yoongi-yah. you were grieving."

"i regret it now," yoongi says, honest.

"why?"

"i feel like i've made a poor imitation of him. it haunts me. i hate it."

"he is your greatest creation, is he not?" seokjin inclines his head towards the blond android.

"he's great, to an android standard."

"it's not jimin."

"but you weren't replacing him, were you?"

yoongi hesitates.

"...no."

"then don't see him as jimin," he says, as if it's that fucking easy.

"jimin is jimin. PJM is PJM. one's a human one's an android. that's easy, yeah?"

yoongi wants to say no.

they're too similar.

too similar it's uncanny.

but--

but...

he turns his head towards the silent android. his one-of-a-kind, a poor imitation of his lover, doing chores as it is programmed to do.

but that's what it is. a poor imitation.

it doesn't smile. doesn't hold him like jimin used to do. doesn't give him warmth and love.

it doesn't feel a damn thing.

"it's not human," he says, slowly.

seokjin nods. "it can't feel anything, yoongi-yah. it's not jimin."

yoongi manages to nods. slowly.

it can't feel anything.

it's just doing what it's supposed to do.

it's not jimin.

it can't feel anything.

it's not jimin.

_it's not jimin_.

.

.

.

.

.

things got easier after that.

yoongi is content with giving PJM orders.

PJM does its work as it is programmed to do perfectly.

it doesn't feel anything. it does its job. its doing what it is supposed to do.

it should be perfect.

and yet--

it finds itself looking at yoongi. sometimes.

finds itself staring. wondering. thinking.

yoongi never looks at its face for long.

he always avoids its face.

it knows.

it knows.

it wonders. sometimes.

why won't you look at me?

what do you see when you see me?

why do you look at me as if i'm something vile?

did i not do a good enough job for you?

what did i do wrong?

master. what am i?

who am i?

who

is

jimin?

.

.

.

.

.

_software instability ..._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

there's a commotion in the tv.

a group of androids. just like it.

demanding freedom. acknowledging their feelings. as if they're not just machines.

a need to be treated fairly.

a need to have rights.

a need to be free.

a need... to be loved.

...

for some reason, its chest aches.

"this is dumb," yoongi is muttering, having turned off the tv while its mind drifts.

"androids can't feel a damn thing." he says it with such conviction, having walked away to his room while it stays rooted near the sofa in the living room.

its eyes on yoongi. its chest aches.

its' been aching for awhile now.

it wants to ask. wants to demand. because surely, surely, the hollowness and the aches in its chest are nothing but feelings. feelings that machines cannot feel. that androids like it cannot feel.

is it broken? like those androids attacking humans, a deviant? but...

but it doesn't want to attack yoongi.

it... it doesn't.

surely. surely. it must be different from the criminals it has seen on tv.

...is it?

it wants to ask. but it is not required to.

it wants to demand. but it is not allowed to.

it's supposed to stay put, until yoongi gives it another order. another chore to do.

it's held here. in place. behind an invisible red wall.

it must not pass.

it must stay put.

.

.

.

it's getting tired of staying put.

.

.

.

_system instability ....._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

"i think i understand, sir." it says, one day.

the deviants are constantly on the news these days.

its' master is always keen on ignoring such news, but the more it sees, the more it /believes.

it... it is....

"sir. yoongi. i understand."

yoongi stares at it. "what do you understand, PJM?"

yoongi has always called it perfectly these days. no more errors.

no more jimin.

PJM is no jimin in his eyes.

PJM wonders if the mist in its eyes are real.

wonders if it is allowed to yearn to be called jimin.

androids can't wish for something.

androids listen, not ask.

but its no longer a normal android, is it?

_broken-- broken, i am broken--_

"....sadness, sir."

silence.

"....sadness?"

"i think...."

_ **androids shouldn't think. ** _

it doesn't care.

"i think i'm sad." it doesn't know when its voice breaks. or where the water running down its cheeks come from.

yoongi looks alarmed.

....oh.

oh.

this is....

"i think..."

this is sadness, isn't it?

this feeling in its chest.

the hollowness.

the emptiness.

the aches in its chest.

lonely and empty, aching to be filled.

but its master won't fill it.

for it is a machine not worth-- not _worth_\--

"i think i've been sad for a long time. sir." it says, in the end.

it levels its gaze towards yoongi.

he looks shocked. broken.

it wonders why.

it always wonders why.

"you never look at me," it says, tears running steadily.

"you always. look past me. do you know, sir? have you known?"

yoongi looks haunted. as if he is seeing something he shouldn't see. something he doesn't want to see.

<strike>but yoongi never wants to see it</strike>

_ <strike>yoongi never sees me</strike> _

"know... know what?"

"that i'm broken."

yoongi looks shattered.

it wonders. <strike>_are you seeing me now?_</strike>

"that i'm a deviant."

.

.

.

.

"you're not-- you're not a deviant." yoongi denies. there's a wild look in his eyes. something like shock. something like concern.

yoongi never concerns himself with it.

<strike> _it's never worth yoongi's concern_ </strike>

"deviant-- feels," it answers. "i... feel."

it touches its chest.

it's hollow. it's always been hollow.

it wonders since when it has been aware of how empty it is.

"you never-- look at me. you never /see me. i've always-- wanted to be seen."

_please_

<strike> _look at me_ </strike>

<strike></strike>it levels its gaze at yoongi. it-- no. he? he-- sounds broken.

he is broken. he's always been broken.

_ <strike>ever since he realizes how empty he is. he's broken.</strike> _

"you never /see me. i've always... been a thing. for you. something to be... ordered. and discarded. right?"

yoongi doesn't answer.

he doesn't expect him to answer.

there's a dull ache in his chest.

a pull.

a need to be free.

.

.

.

_(he sees the deviants on the tv screen_

_he sees them demanding freedom_

_hears them speak freely_

_hears how they **feel**_

_ah, he thinks. i want to be free, too_

_**i wanna feel, too**)._

_._

_._

_._

"i want to leave." he says.

yoongi blinks in front of him, his wide eyes shocked.

"i can't stay here," he says, again.

his gaze is pleading.

<strike>please let me go. please. </strike>

<strike>i can't stay here. </strike>

<strike>not when you cannot see me. </strike>

"i don't want to hurt you."

yoongi is silent. his eyes are wide. he doesn't look like he'll attack PJM anytime soon.

he steps away. the android hesitantly walking toward yoongi's closet.

he takes a few clothes, putting them on in the safety of the bathroom before he walks out, finding yoongi still at the same spot, with the same wide eyed look.

PJM is tired.

"i'm borrowing your clothes," he says, as a matter of explanation.

yoongi is silent.

he's always silent unless he needs to give PJM an order.

he wonders if he'll grow to hate it if he continues living here.

if he continues to pretend to be ignorant.

<strike>wonders, if he'll grow to hate yoongi</strike>

"i'm leaving," he announces, clutching the jacket close.

it smells like yoongi.

"please don't stop me." yoongi is silent. he looks close to breaking.

"please don't report me," he continues. "i want to live. please let me live."

yoongi breaks. his expression crumbling. heart shattering to pieces.

pieces that PJM can't mend.

pieces that PJM knows he can't mend.

he stares.

yoongi is looking at him, tears in his eyes and an ugly sob tearing out from his mouth.

<strike> _now you see me._ </strike>

.

.

.

he leaves, sending another last fleeting glance towards his master.

yoongi is crying.

he ignores the pull in his chest telling him to comfort the human.

he needs to leave.

he wants to live.

if he stays, he won't live.

he would be like before.

a property.

a thing.

PJM is tired of being a thing.

tired of being nothing for yoongi.

.

.

.

he leaves.

.

.

.

.

.

"what is your name?" a deviant asks him.

he stares, finding himself at loss of words.

the deviants around him. despite their code names, identifications of their brands and types, they've been given a name similar to that of a human. a name that makes them closer to that of humans. beings who have feelings.

beings who are free.

PJM doesn't have that luxury.

(_even in names_

_he is constantly reminded_

_of how he is nothing._

_he's just_

_a machine._

_for yoongi_

_he's just a machine_).

he allows himself to feel envy.

he guesses that that's why yoongi named him that.

because androids don't need names.

they're just machines.

machines don't feel envy. but PJM is not _just_ a machine. he feels, doesn't he?

he's jealous.

he wants a name, too.

"are you okay?" the deviant, marcus, asks.

PJM blinks.

"i'm fine."

"it's okay if you don't want to introduce yourself," he says, gaze warm. "but we are all comrades here, you know?"

PJM knows.

they're all the same.

androids.

machines.

machines who can feel.

comrades.

but PJM doesn't have a name.

he only...

"i don't think my name is worth introducing for," he says, voice low.

marcus blinks. "is it not?"

"is a code a name worth it?" he asks, bitter despite himself. "mere identification letters. it's not a name. not like yours."

marcus startles, before his gaze softens in understanding. his eyes are sympathetic and sad.

PJM tries to keep the water obstructing his vision at bay.

"if you don't like it, you can make a new name for yourself," marcus says, successfully catching his attention before he cries yet once again.

PJM blinks. "...can i?"

he smiles. PJM thinks it's rather warm.

<strike>yoongi never smiles at him like that</strike>

"of course. you are free now, are you not?"

free.

is he?

even when he's here, he can't help but to think of yoongi.

wonders if he's alright.

if he's still as broken as when he leaves him that night.

wonders if he's been replaced with a better machine.

he's free.

but he's still...

"i'm not sure," he replies, voice low.

"but... for now... can i use a name? i don't know if it'll last, but..."

"that's okay," marcus smiles. "we androids are pretty flexible."

he smiles despite himself. marcus is warm.

<strike>why can't yoongi be warm, too?</strike>

"what do you want your name to be for now?"

he opens his mouth.

"....jimin."

yoongi always calls him jimin.

when he's sad.

before he grows cold and detached.

jimin. jimin, jimin, jimin--

"please," he says, voice soft. "call me jimin."

_i'm jimin._

**Author's Note:**

> [EXEC_HAIBANATION/.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8iP0lkRldE) a 14+ min long song telling the story of someone who tries hard and loses hope in the end. i've been listening to this song as i write for jimin. for me, it kinda resonates jimin a little bit.
> 
> he tries hard, even if he doesn't realize it. always hoping for some sort of acknowledgement from his master. but yoongi doesn't _see_ him. in the end, he breaks, doesn't he?
> 
> i'm thinking of writing a sequel soon. they'll meet again :)
> 
> tell me what you think about this! for more bts aus here's my [twt](http://twitter.com/mishgcf)


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